In January of 2019, I decided that I would no longer weigh myself. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out…
It was a pretty easy decision for me to make. The execution, however, was definitely a lot harder than I thought it’d be.
I’ve relied on the bathroom scale to tell me how I felt about my body since high school –– who else can relate? I had been entrusting that scale with my confidence and expectations. And every time I saw that number, no matter what it was, I felt defeated.
I’m trying to remember when I started weighing myself –– I’m assuming some time around 7th or 8th grade. That’s when I started growing like crazy. From my 7th grade year to my 9th grade year, my hips went from a size 0 to a 9 and I grew about 6 inches. Ouch!
Even though I was growing, my expectations for my weight hadn’t changed. Luckily, being involved in sports helped block a lot of feelings I had about my weight –– I was focusing more on getting stronger and faster, and eating in order to have enough calories in my body! But, of course, dressing for school or different functions was difficult. My insecurity still nagged me.
After college was difficult for me. I no longer had sports to focus on, which allowed my insecurity to push its way to the front of my mind. It only amplified a few years later when I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (P.C.O.S.). My body was constantly changing, and I felt like I didn’t have any control over it. As I saw the number on the scale slowly continue to creep upwards, I felt hopeless. Only recently did I realize what seeing that number was doing to me.
In November and December of 2018, I started thinking about my goals for the upcoming year: reading X number of books, simplifying my life, writing, etc. But I also knew that I wanted to work on my well-being –– not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. I wanted 2019 to be the year when I would feel better about myself.
In January of 2019, I discovered that weighing myself made me feel horrible, every time I did it. Why do we continue to do things to ourselves when we know it’s going to make us feel bad?! It was ruining my day. Guys I would literally be dressed for the day, feeling super cute and confident, and then step on the scale (to validate my feelings?!) only to have my entire day ruined. Raise your hand if that has happened before. DUMB!
“I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.” That’s what I say when I tell people I no longer weigh myself. We get a good laugh, but I’m being completely honest. The number on the scale –– no matter how high or how low –– isn’t really the issue. The issue is my interpretation of it.
I am creating that negativity all by myself. That number shouldn’t dictate how I feel about myself or how I move through the world, however I’m giving it power to. I’m telling myself that whatever weight I am, is too heavy, and that no matter what number pops up, I should feel bad about it.
Nope. Not today, Satan.
Or any day for that matter. I decided that I’m done feeling sorry for myself and less confident because of a stupid number on the scale. Yea, I said it.
I stopped weighing myself and let me tell you, I feel great. I’m not ignoring my health just because I’m no longer weighing myself –– I still have exercise and nutrition goals that I’m working towards. But, I no longer feel that I need validation from a number.
The habit of weighing myself daily was a little more drilled in than I thought. The urge to weigh myself every morning and night was strong, and really hard to overcome initially. My husband weighs himself a few times a week –– more for making sure he’s gaining and keeping on weight –– so we had the bathroom scale out in the middle of the floor. I ended up making it a habit of picking it up and tucking it away under the cabinet. Slowly, seeing the scale on the floor became more of a ‘let’s-put-this-away’ habit than a ‘I-need-to-weigh-myself-‘ habit. Huzzah!
What are your thoughts on this? Do you struggle with ‘the number’ as well?